So, tell us your joke and keep it clean! (or as clean as possible!)
You might win one of these:
Friday, August 24, 2007
Pull My Finger!
Well, welcome to Jackson Street Books! If you've followed this over from the Book Report, you know what you're supposed to do. Look around a while, we have some cool people to click on in the side-bar. We'll try to put up content on weekday evenings, ya know, AFTER work... On the weekends we'll spout about things that outrage us, if we have the time.
So, tell us your joke and keep it clean! (or as clean as possible!)
You might win one of these:
So, tell us your joke and keep it clean! (or as clean as possible!)
You might win one of these:
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12 comments:
A man walks into a pub and sets a tiny man only a foot tall on top of the bar. The man tells the bartender "I drink for free tonight if this little man can't play a song you call out on his piano" The bartender says "deal."
The bartender starts calling out songs by everyone from Chopin, Mozart, Elton John, even Billy Joel. The little man played every one perfectly down to the last note. The bartender was amazed and let the man drink for free.
The bartender asks "That was really great, where did you get that little guy?"
"Well, it's a long story" says the man. "I was walking through the woods after a week of hard rain. A stream had formed in the woods and an old lady was standing at the stream waiting to cross. I asked her 'M'am would you like me to help you over?' She said "Wha?" Asking again "Would you like me to help you over the stream?" Again replying "Wha?"
The man figures she needs help so he picks her up and carries her across the water. When they get to the other side, the old lady reveals that she is a witch and thankful to not get wet...she offers the man a wish.
"And that's how I got the 12 inch pianist!"
Kerouac and Cassidy are at a bar, drinking.
Jack asks "How did the chicken cross the street?"
Cassidy says "Don't you mean why did the chicken cross the street?"
"That wouldn't make any sense," Jack says. "He had his capon."
Please send the book in time for our Church burning after Labor Day.
Tammy – this isn’t particularly literary, but it is relatively clean and I like it:
So, this burglar breaks into a house and he’s rifling through drawers and stuff and hears this voice say: “Jesus is coming.”
He stops dead in his tracks, and he hears the voice again: “Jesus is coming.”
Slowly, he turns around. And much to his relief he sees a parrot in a cage, and the parrot says a third time, “Jesus is coming.”
So, the guy goes up to the cage and he asks, “What’s your name, fella?”
And the parrot replies, “Moses.”
The burglar chuckles to himself and says, “What kind of a person names his parrot Moses?”
And the parrot says, “The same kind of a person who names his Rottweiler Jesus.”
Dave.
So a guy decides he wants to learn how to skydive, finds a ground school, passes the class, and on his first jump, he exits the airplane, no problem.
After floating down for a little while, he pulls the ripcord, as instructed. Nothing. He figures, oh well, they covered this in school, so he pulls the reserve ripcord, and same result.
So he figures he's done for, and he might as well look around and enjoy the few moments he has left. He observes a family setting up a picnic near his future impact crater. Just then, he sees a puff of smoke, and a guy coming up to meet him. When they get within hailing distance, he yells over to the other guy "You know anything about parachutes?" and the other guy says "No, you know anything about Coleman stoves?"
A guy walks into a store in San Francisco Chinatown and sees a statue of a brass rat. He asks the owner "How much for the brass rat?"
"Twenty dollars for the rat - and two thousand dollars for the statue's history" the owner replies.
"I don't care about its history" the man replies, "Here's $20 - I'll just take the rat."
The man drops the brass rat into his pocket, leaves the store, and begins walking back to his office when he hears a pattering sound behind him. He looks, and three big rats are following him. "Ugh" the man says, and hurries towards his office.
Suddenly, he notices the people in front of him are crossing the street. He looks around, and realized there is now a big pack of rats following behind him.
Panicked, he begins running toward the Bay. People are screaming, and the man realizes that he is being pursued by a massive horde of rats, with more pouring in from every side street.
Suddenly, he finds himself trapped at the edge of San Francisco Bay, with tens of thousands of rats scampering toward him. Thinking quickly, he reaches into his pocket, hurls the brass rat as far into the Bay as he can, and scrambles up a light pole. The rat horde pours past, hurling themselves into the Bay to their doom.
Eventually the rat horde dwindles, and stops. The man climbs back down from the lamp pole and runs as fast as he can back to the store.
The proprietor greets him with a smile. "I'll bet you're ready to pay me for the history of the brass rat, aren't you?" the proprietor says.
"Forget that!" replies the man, "Just tell me where I can buy a brass lawyer!"
Hey Thanks for laughs!
Be sure to contact Dan via the "Email Dan!" button on the sidebar and tell him the address to send your copy of "101 Things..." to.
Of, course this doesn't mean you should stop telling jokes...
~Tammy
This baby seal walked into a club.
-P.F.C. Fuodd
That anonymous was me. I'd forgotten my blogger id, what with being in the boondocks so long.
Nice blog.
My favorite joke:
Person 1: "What's green, has wheels, and grows around the house?"
Person 2: "I have no idea."
Person 1: "Grass"
Person 2: "How does grass have wheels?"
Person 1: "Oh, I lied about the wheels..."
Tammy, stop me if you’ve heard this one before …
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip.
After building a fire, eating dinner, and kibitzing for a while, they pitch their tents and go to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up Watson and says, “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”
Watson says, “Well, I see millions of stars in the sky, and if there are millions of stars out there, there must be some with planets that are much like our own. And if there are stars out there with planets that are just like our own, there’s a reasonable chance that there’s intelligent life out there in the universe.”
To which Holmes says, “Watson, you idiot. Someone stole our tents.”
(Hey, that one’s literary too!)
Seattle Tammy & Friend Vertalio (pass it along to Reverend Jerry Gloryhole):
Ezekiel, a lobstahm,n from Peak's Island went out to pull his pots one day, taking his wife, Effie, along to help, on account of the weathah being wicked dreadful.
As fate would have it, Effie, in her gum boots and heavy woolen clothes went overboard and sank like a stone.
Ezekiel, after spending a decent amount of time searching for his helpmeet, rowed back to the town wharf and informed the harbormaster of what had happened. That worthy, said, "Well, Zeke, you know how these things go. I 'spect when the wind comes onshore after this storm we'll find Effie on the beach."
Several days later, while Ezekiel is having breakfast at the local diner (and reading "Moby Dick", the town's police chief and the harbormaster walk in and take seats on the stools on either side. The harbormaster looks at him and says, "Zeke, as I suspected, when the wind came around, Effie was washed up on the shingle about a mile south of here. She's layin' down theah, all wrapped up in pot warp and with about 15 lobstahs clingin to her. Is there something you want us to do?".
Ezekiel thinks on it, clears his throat and says, "Ayuh: Pick them bugs and set her agin."
Is that literary enough for ya!
democommie
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
Please feel free to groan now (although my six-year old still kind of likes it).
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