Gawd, I Love Donald Roller Wilson

I received the following email yesterday. Donald Roller Wilson is the only person I will read in all caps, so follow me here, people:

HOWDY – WEB SITE HAS BEEN REVISED AND UPDATED. THAZE NEW WORK ON THERE. TAKE A LOOK IF YOU WANT – SOON’S YOU TURN YOUR COMPUTER ON...(WELL, I GUESS IT'S ALREADY ON - RIGHT?)...GO TO WWW.DONALDROLLERWILSON.COM THERE IS ONE REALLY OUTSTANDING SMALL MITSY, MORT, AND JUDY PAINTING INCLUDED IN THE MIX. MITSY IS THE LITTLE MEXICAN HAIRLESS GIRL, AND MORT AND JUDY ARE HER “SIBLINGS”. AT PRESENT, SHE IS AVAILABLE. SOME OF THE OTHER PAINTINGS ARE, TOO. SOME OF THEM HAVE GONE TO HOMES. (I NEED TO – A MENTAL INSTITUTION HOME!!!). ANYHOW, INQUIRE, IF YOU WISH – I WILL SEND YOU THE STATUS AND ALL THE OTHER INFORMATION ON MITSY, OR FOR ANYTHING ELSE WHICH CATCHES YOUR EYE (OR, TONGUE – NOSE, ETC.)…

ONE YOUNG GIRL KITTY / WOMAN NAME OF JUDY, OVER CLOSE TO PONCA CITY, OKLAHOMA SAW THE REVISIONS OF THE WEB SITE WITHOUT TURNIN HER COMPUTER ON!!! (SEE BELOW) IN FACT, I THINK SHE’S PRETTY SURE SHE SAW THE SITE WITHOUT EVEN OPENING HER EYES!!! YOW-EEE!!! WILL TELL YA, THOUGH, SHE HAS A HISTORY OF SLIPPING INTO THE RAPTURE…REPEATEDLY, AND WITH RECKLESS ABANDON! IN FACT, LAST TIME SHE SLIPPED WAS WHILE SHEEZ WITH HER HALF-BROTHER, TOM…BIG OLE PORK LOIN JUST SHOT STRAIGHT UP OUTTA NOWHERE. SCARED THE S--- OUTTA HER…SHE STILL HASN’T OPENED HER LITTLE EYES!!! I SUPPOSE THE ONLY THING WHICH HAS SAVED HER FROM SLIPPING IRREVERSIBLY INTO THE RAPTURE IS THAT SHE’S HALF JEWISH…AND THERE’S A SALE ON AT J.C. PENNY’S AT THE PONCA CITY MALL. THEY HAVE A NEW CHANEL RIP-OFF COLLECTION.

YOU EVER WONDER IF AND WHEN YOU GONNA GROW UP? LOVE TO YA (EVEN IF I DON’T KNOW YOU) – ROLLER (AKA, DICK LONG, DURHAM, ARKINSAW)FULL TITLE OF ABOVE, FOLLOWS:

LITTLE TOM AND HIS HALF SISTER, JUDY... SEEN HERE AT THE SAME TIME (DURING TIME) BUT WITH THEIR EXPERIENCES NOT HAVING SIMULTANEOUSLY OCCURRED - IF AT ALL...WHO NOSE? DOG KNOWS!

THE AIR FILLED WITH BUBBLES...HAVING DRIFTED IN...GAS-FILLED LEFT-OVERS FROM ONE OR MORE OF CENTURIES WORTH OF FAILED BAT MITZVAHS...ONES ENTERED INTO, AND WITH FULL CONVICTION AND WELL-MEANING INTENT, BY TOM AND JUDY’S HALF SISTER, NAUGHTY BETTY...

WITH TOM RECALLING ONE OF THE MORE DISASTROUS FAILURES COINCIDING WITH, AND CAUSED BY A STRONG AND RUINOUS WIND - WHIPPED UP BY THE HOLY VIRGIN...A WIND WHICH HAD ACTIVATED THE GOLDEN PROP-JET OF TOM’S YARMULKE - SENDING HIM RIGHT STRAIGHT UP...SMAK-DAB INTO THE TOP OF A TALL PECAN TREE WHERE HE HAD WITNESSED THE HOLY MOTHER...DISGUISED AS A REFRIGERATOR, AND PRETENDING TO GIVE BIRTH TO A WHOLE PORK LOIN...

AND WITH LITTLE JUDY RECALLING HER OWN VERSION OF AN EARLIER FAILURE...ONE DURING WHICH THAT SAME HOLY VIRGIN WHO HAD CAUSED THOSE DISASTERS BEING RECALLED BY TOM...HAD APPEARED TO JUDY - LANDING ON JUDY’S EAR, ADJACENT TO HER VERY MIND...WHISPERING TO JUDY IN YIDDISH (A LANGUAGE JUDY DIDN’T RECOGNIZE, BUT ONE WHICH SHE SOMEHOW UNDERSTOOD)...AND SHE REMEMBERED KEEPING HER EYES SHUT TIGHT FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER...

AND ALL AND ANY OF POOR NAUGHTY BETTY’S BAT MITZVAHS, HAVING OCCURRED - OR, YET TO COME, WOULD ALL SHARE A COMMON THREAD OF NON-RATIFICATION!!!